Being emotionally intelligent requires maturity

The sad truth is that most people, and we're talking here about the vast majority, fail at the game of life. Surveys held around the world over the past 30 years confirm that most people are unhappy in their jobs, don't have or earn enough money to realise their dreams, are in debt, live unhealthy lives, have unhappy relationships and are stressed out. Not the life we were meant to live, I'll wager.

Yet, the older we get, the more we are forced to concede that we are where we are because of the decisions we've made in our lives. The question is, what were the driving forces behind those decisions? The framework within which we operate is determined by our conditioning, the main driving force is emotion.

Ask any really good car salesman: people buy emotionally, then justify with logic. So why do we try and sell to people using logic when we ourselves buy emotionally. And if you think you don't buy emotionally, consider when last you bought something in a shop that was not on the list when you left home?

Here's an analogy. On honeymoon in Rhodes, Greece, my wife and I were transported to our hotel in an old Mercedes Benz with 1,2 million kilometres on the clock, still on its second engine. The vehicle was comfortable, appeared to be in good conditions and went well. During that trip we enjoyed another comfortable ride in another taxi, an Audi with 1,4 million on the clock, and the trip back to the airport was in a Merc with 1,9 million on the clock (3rd engine). Yet we trade our vehicle in with a hundred thousand on the clock in mint condition for less than half of what we paid - on the latest model? Is this logic? Methinks not. It's emotional unintelligence. This is when man is at his most creative, coming up with the most convincing justifications (tax benefits, ABS, improved fuel consumption, extra safety features etc etc) for reducing his family to poverty, leaving his cashflow in tatters, and putting his stress levels into orbit around his brain so that he can feel good about the 5% of his life he spends in his car. And funny how the "feel good" lasts for just a few weeks but the cashflow pain for 5 years, if not an eternity!

You see, once that moment of temptation has passed, we can usually manage quite well without that new car, flat screen TV, new Hi-fi or turbocharged refrigerator. Not to mention all the other things we do that bring no lasting value to our lives whatsoever...

Being emotionally intelligent means having the ability to use logic ahead of emotion in making decisions. And this requires discipline and most importantly, self control. It means being able to turn away from a "good deal" until the time is right. It means resisting temptation. It means controlling yourself. In summary, being emotionally intelligent means having the maturity to say "no" when its difficult but best, and to say "yes" when it's tough, but worthwhile.

Here are 6 things emotionally intelligent people do.

• They plan - their lives, their time, their expenditure and even their recreation.
• They buy property - usually when the market is low, and if they sell (usually a bad idea) they do it when the market is high.
• They pay off credit cards in full every month - and then some. (A credit card is a convenience, but if used as an overdraft, it's expensive!)
• They spend good healthy amounts of quality time with their families
• They enjoy life's pleasures in moderation (for example, they stop eating five mouthfuls before they're full!)
• They don't stress about things they can't change.

And here's an idea. If it doesn't add value, bring in an income or leave a lasting positive memory, why do it?