Reactions - why yours need to be right!

In the 1998 soccer World Cup quarter-final showdown between England and Argentina in France, one rash action of retaliation probably sunk the best chance that England have had since 1966 of claiming that most precious of trophies - the FIFA World Cup. In fact, it was not the perpetrator of the foul that was red carded by the Danish referee, but England darling and future captain, David Beckham, who found himself taking the loneliest of all walks - back to the dressing room for the first time in his professional career. Having been tackled from behind by the Argentinean midfielder Diego Simeone, Beckham impulsively kicked out at Simeone in retaliation. http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A1138600 [full story here] Apart from the Old Trafford faithful, the rest of England didn't let him forget what he'd done and he was roundly booed every time he took the field or received the ball when playing away from home for the next year. His crime - reacting in the heat of the moment.

So highly is the virtue of reacting appropriately viewed in society today, that along with the ability to take responsibility, it is the criterion most frequently used to test a person's leadership ability. Said simply, it is the ability of a leader to instinctively make the right decision that often separates leaders from followers (and bunglers!). In order for Beckham to make that transition from talented footballer to talented footballer and leader - a transition which he later successfully made, this was a lesson he had to learn, and he did it the hard way. You don't have to.

Here's the truth about reaction.The way you and I tend to react to certain pressure situations was programmed into us many, many years ago when we were young. It is influenced by both genetics and conditioning. Although based in genetics, the examples of our parents, and experiences at the hands of our teachers, siblings and peers quickly moulded our final default setting - the way we will instinctively react under pressure, or "when the chips are down". It is precisely at this time that we are most vulnerable and that we are judged by others. If your path is one of constantly striving for improvement, you will instinctively know when you have let yourself down. If you have learned to back yourself, regardless of the challenges, obstacles and temptations life puts before you, this may be a potential "turn around" opportunity for you - purely because you are human and have the unique ability possessed by no other living species to change.

I had the pleasure of watching a movie recently about a school where children had run amok resulting in its closure. The school was reopened on probation by a brave, elderly headmistress. In one of the scenes, a parent walks in to her office and starts hurling abuse at the headmistress using foul language. Maybe it was just a movie, but watching the skills with which the headmistress disarmed the abuser by not reacting to her abuse as most would have, but simply remaining calm and focusing on the source of the woman's pain, was a revelation.

We forget that the abuser is acting from their own sources of reference and experience. By taking the bait and getting immersed in the subject matter of the attack, we reduce ourselves to the level of the perpetrator. But by remaining calm, not taking the attack personally and focussing on the real issue at hand rather than the person's anger, we can easily disarm them and get them to copy our cooperative behaviour.

Many of us who are fortunate enough to have children to practise these leadership principles on, should waste no time! This may seem a tad mercenary, but if more parents respected their children sufficiently to practise sound leadership principles on them at home, many of us would not only become better leaders, but would raise better leaders too. The most valuable lessons on leadership that your children will learn - will come from you. Paradoxically, the most important lessons I've learned about leadership, I learned by parenting.

You can react instinctively, or you can train yourself to think before reacting. A proactive reaction means you're in control of the situation - a reactive, hysterical reaction means you're not - they are! Your reactions tell everyone who you really are.

Chances are, it's one of your kids that will be doing the final speech at your funeral. What, do you think, will they say?

Paul du Toit