How are you wired?
When I was five years old I worked out that I was the centre of the universe, and that when I went to sleep, the rest of the world shut down too. I recall trying to catch my shadow out on numerous occasions, but when I finally did, it was only to discover that the sun had disappeared behind a cloud. Still, being the centre of the universe meant that once I worked everything out, then that was the way it was. When I was five, there was no other perspective. Just mine.
But as I grew older I found that not everyone saw things quite the way that I did. I found that quite difficult to understand. After all, I'd worked it all out, carefully, so I must be right! And even when I think about those times when others seemed to have a rather illogical way of doing things it didn't make much sense to me. And then this revelation: They also thought that they were right. I didn't really understand how they could be, or how they could even think that they could be especially when their perspectives differed from mine, but they did, and therefore according to them, they were right. Even though clearly, they must be wrong. I wondered why they couldn't see what was so obvious?
Later it struck me that every life is a bit like a game of chess, often seeming to start out the same way, but soon taking unique twists and turns leading into a sequence of influences and events never before taken. Even though many hundreds of others have had similar experiences to us, they all seem to happen in a different way or sequence. And because no two lives are the same, and because our lives are moulded from our own set of life influences, each and every one of us becomes "wired" in a unique way. Our "wiring" therefore refers to our acquired opinions, behaviour and tendencies, acquired by our exposure to life.
The part that was already in us when we started out can be referred to as our inherent personality style. Much of it is genetic, and will explain why a child will display certain characteristics of one parent and certain characteristics of another. When they display characteristics of neither - that comes mostly from the wiring. The combination of wiring and inherent personality styles I refer to as a person's character.
So, whatever age you now are, that's how long it has taken you, starting off with your inherent personality style, to be wired into what is now your character. It may also explain that when you are in charge of another person, often from another era, brought up in different circumstances from different parents, "plain sailing" is unlikely.
That's because, try as you may, there are certain key issues that you both see very differently. Inevitably, this will lead to conflict, and conflict can lead to many things, things like despair, anger and even growth. Just as some people value conformity, security and orderliness, others may on the other hand be motivated by innovation, creativity and spontaneity. And when the two opposites meet in an office or in a home situation, the friction sometimes causes sparks and sometimes even fire or nuclear fission.
So when you find yourself being irritated by a subordinate, child or even a peer or superior, take a step back and consider the following: Your rules are your rules, and whether or not it is your job to make the rules, it does not excuse you from doing a respectable selling job on why you believe they should be adhered to. If the rules are being flouted, consider the possibility that there could be more than one person to blame, and your proactive input is needed to rectify the situation.
Fortunately, I found out some time ago that it is difficult to carve out a happy existence for yourself when you are stuck or pinned down in the centre of the universe. It's a lot easier when you're moving about finding out what's going on around you.
I have 3 rather philosophical questions for you, that could well hold some vital keys to your success and happiness:
- How are you wired?
- How is your wiring affecting those around you?
- What would you rather be, right or happy?
Paul du Toit
