Make that call

A few years ago I heard the question posed: How many people that attended your wedding do you still see regularly? Most us of will have to admit that the figure is considerably less than half. The longer you've been married, chances are the less it is.

Newspaper billboards screamed this week: "Our grandparents did it more than we do." Is this surprising? It shouldn't be. What's the common denominator here? Time, or the lack of it.

We're too busy. We don't have time - for our spouses, for our kids, or to see our friends, or the people who've made an impact on our lives. Yet, there are still 12 months in a year, 7 days in a week and 24 hours in a day, just like there were 60 years ago. So why do we no longer have time?

I can think of 2 reasons. Television, and money.

Charles "Tremendous" Jones has been credited with saying. "What we become in the next five years will be determined by what we read and who we associate with". Isn't it funny that he did not say "What we become in the next 5 years will be determined by how much TV we watch and how much money we make?"

We spend more time watching TV than we do talking to our kids. You think I'm kidding? My estimate is that most people spend roughly 12 to 15 times more of their time watching TV than they do talking to their kids. What will you do if your TV falls over and breaks? You'll curse, and then fix it or buy a new one. What will you do if your kid falls and breaks an arm or leg. You'll go into a flat spin, won't you? Rush to hospital, scans, X-rays, medical aid, plaster cast, and so on and so forth. Because your child is infinitely more important than your TV, or the internet, or this newsletter (which I thank you for reading!). Yet that which matters most we have the least time for.

That which matters the most we have the least time for

Wouldn't our lives be richer and more rewarding if we made a little less money, but had more time for our families? And wouldn't our lives be more meaningful if we watched less TV and spent some time with those special people who have impacted our lives but we don't have the time for anymore?

This weekend my wife and I had supper with friends we have not seen for 3 years. It was wonderful. And it made me think of what we would have missed if one of us had not taken the few minutes it takes to make that call or send that email.

If one day you have the privilege of time to reflect on your life before you pass away, here's what won't be uppermost in your mind: The episode of "The Bold And The Beautiful"" that you missed and the amount of money you made. But you will probably be sad about the holiday you never took because you were too busy making money, the friends you neglected, or the son or daughter who no longer have time for you because you had more important things to do than spend time with them when they really needed you.

This weekend one of my daughter's friends was a passenger in a motor car accident involving 2 vehicles and several casualties. She escaped with minor injuries including severe bruising from the seatbelt that probably saved her life. When one stops briefly to contemplate the world without that special friend in it, we reflect on what really is important in life. And it's not school marks, money or entertainment. It's friendship, giving and kindness. It's saying thank you, well done, you're so special, I'm proud of you, I know you did your best, I love you. It's saying "I can't imagine the world without you in it."

And it's about making that call.

Paul du Toit (August 2004)