Do you just love standing in queues as much as I do?

Studies on customers have revealed a simple point that somehow seems to consistently evade a vast number of very large businesses that most of us customers find ourselves having to deal with.

Customers generally have no problem with new systems that help service providers to streamline their businesses. In fact we usually appreciate the trouble taken. Most customers are quite tolerant when these same systems don't quite do what they're supposed to do as quickly as they should. But most customers would prefer a poor system and a good attitude than a good system and bad attitude. Here's a case in point:

Last month I took my cell phone in to my cell phone provider to check on two malfunctioning features. I arrived early, but still waited 20 minutes to be attended to because one of the 3 help desk clerks was late. I booked in my phone and was asked to come back in one hour. Realising that the queue was increasing by the minute, I was in it again after 40 minutes. I got to the front after 65 minutes. My phone was not ready. I waited for another 40 minutes. Finally I asked the clerk to check what was happening. She checked - said it would be ready in 10 minutes. 25 minutes later she summoned me and gave me my phone. The motherboard was damaged, so they were not allowed to work on it. And my Saturday morning was history.

Let's be fair here:

1. The clerk was at all times polite and helpful to me, explaining the procedure (helped by the fact that I did not lose my cool at any stage).

2. It is not their fault that I've dropped my phone so many times that the instrument is now irreparably damaged.

However,

1. Is it so difficult to gear your operation to cope with queues on a Saturday morning? (There were two service points unattended the whole morning)

2. Why were so many other customers becoming frustrated resulting in arguments erupting with the service clerks?

3. Why can one never find a manager around (and when you eventually do they become defensive?)

4. Had I known it was going to take over 2 hours, I would have gone off and attended to other things during my precious Saturday morning instead of hanging around.

5. Why is it that just about everyone I speak to would just love to boot their cell phone service provider into touch?

Because the service providers don't care. And why should they? The landline monopoly is appreciably worse, and secondly neither of their cell phone competitors has managed to do anything significantly different - with a notable exception: The entry of Cell C into the market place finally put an end to the criminal practice of per minute billing. And we all know that we have to give up our mobile number if we change providers, a serious incentive not to move.

So what's the solution?

First, we are now firmly in the age of systems and call centres. Systems are designed to streamline processes. Call centres should provide a human being with a friendly voice and some initiative to sort out your problem or put you in touch with someone who can. Management is there to manage the process. If the systems are working most of the time, then what isn't working? Management, that's what. They're either too busy counting the lolly, locked in meetings, or planning their next cute Yebo Gogo campaign.

Second, it is important to train staff to be polite. In this instance they were half way there. Now please train them to be effective, and to communicate with one another and to stop lying to customers. 60 minutes is not 125 minutes, and 10 minutes is not 25 minutes. We customers are even prepared to give you a 20% margin of error - but more than twice the estimated time smacks of over promise and serious under delivery.

It also struck me that most of the people standing in the queue that day, just like me, had better things to do. So, if you're going to keep people waiting, tell them why they have to wait, and try and show that you're doing something about it. And it's the managers job to see that this happens.

Of course, it's all quite clever really. The whole Vodaworld set-up in Midrand is designed to give you lots of things to spend your money on while you wait! And unless something changes on Saturday mornings, wait you will!