You can, and do determine what service you get

An associate of ours once visited a boutique wearing an attitude, her gym tracksuit, a headband and tackies, and proceeded to purchase R4,000 worth of clothing with very little assistance or attention from the gum chewing shop assistant. The next day Haydee returned to the same boutique power-dressed to the nines, and politely, with a radiant smile and oodles of charm returned to the same (still gum-chewing) shop assistant R3,000 worth of the merchandise she had bought the day before. The gum mysteriously disappeared, with same assistant literally falling over her own feet (and Haydee's) to be of assistance. Explain that one to me please...slowly.

Three issues here.

A. You get treated differently when you dress well.

B. The shop had a good customer service policy but sloppy staff, and .

C.Your attitude counts for far more than the content of what you actually say.

I'm a firm believer in rendering outstanding service. But I'm an even firmer believer in making sure you get outstanding service, whether or not the renderer intended you to receive it. That's why we possess charm, whit and guile - so that we can receive what is due to us. We just have to dig a little to find them sometimes. The same goes for indignation and whining - these behavours also reap us our just desserts!

Here is a brace of simple guidelines to assist you in getting the service you deserve - from anyone, anywhere, anytime:

1. Use "I" messages. Starting with "you guys are really messing up..." gets peoples backs up. Saying "I'm not getting what I'd hoped for..." more often results in "Well perhaps I can be of help?"

2. Remain calm and friendly. Getting rattled strips your credibility, renders you irrational and makes others defensive. The old rule will always hold true: "He who loses his temper loses the fight."

3. Ask for what you want clearly. The simpler the better. If you have to repeat yourself, by all means do so firmly, but try not to raise your voice.

4. Be the example. If we mirror someone else's bad behaviour, we hand control of the situation to them. If we stay calm, even in the face of adversity, your opponent will often feel ashamed and start mirroring your good behaviour. That's what you're looking for, a level playing field for a fruitful negotiation!

5. Check that you're being fair. It's quite embarrassing when, from your lofty pedestal of rightness the realisation wafts over you that you're busy making a cock-up and are busy talking a load of tripe! Sometimes the other gal may have a point, and occasionally yours may be a little shaky. Under these circumstances, tilt your head to one side, pause a tad and utter these magic words: "Mmm, you may have a point there...." All will be forgiven.

You can use the same tech-sniques to keep your best customer, get him to buy you a drink, and in his effusive state drink a toast to the day he met you! Hey, a few of us may have been fortunate enough to inherit a few bob, but for the rest of us it's charm, whit and guile...

Paul du Toit
The Cellar (Spring day, 1 September 2003)