Would't it be nice if everyone practised common decency?

[A gentle note to the sensitive: Please don't take this article personally, it wasn't meant for you - it's for someone else you may know...]

We are to a very large extent a product of our conditioning as children. This is adjusted by events and lessons that impact us as we grow up. But by and large our habits tend to kick in and guide our daily behaviour. This is sometimes beneficial, but in certain instances can prove disastrous. There are countless examples of this in various contexts - an example is if you have had occasion to entertain someone at substantial trouble and expense without the decency of a "thank you" afterwards, or made an arrangement with a friend, acquaintance, business associate or prospect and been stood up.

Different people tend to place different "weightings" or importance on different things, sometimes resulting in a feeling of being let down when others do not meet our expectations.

Reality is that some of the finer touches of "common decency" were never conditioned into some of the nicest people we know. It follows then that a check list of common etiquette may prove useful (not for you, of course - just to pass on to those who need it). Here are 10 suggestions:

1. When someone has "spoilt" you, phone or email and thank afterwards - or even better, send a handwritten card or note.
2. Try to reply to personalised emails (exclude newsletters from this suggestion). Acknowledging is very powerful. Conversely your failure to acknowledge an email from a client could be construed as rudeness, and may encourage them to take their business elsewhere.
3. If you are unable to make an appointment and need to postpone or cancel, phone and let the person know as soon as possible. Their time is just as valuable as yours - eveyone has just 24 hours in every day and would like to use their time efficiently.
4. If you are running more than 5 minutes late, make a call (or send a SMS) to let them know or ask someone reliable to do it for you. If you have agreed to meet someone on neutral ground, do your best to be on time. We've all experienced the frustration of making the effort to be on time and then having to wait 20 minutes in no-man's land - no fun at all. It's even more annoying if they don't show up at all!
5. When someone has come to see you at your offices and they are on time, it is unacceptable to keep them waiting. If they are early, they will expect to only be seen at the appointed time, but if you can accommodate them, it's a nice gesture to do so.
6. If you have been involved in any kind of dispute and discover that you were wrong, utter the magic words "I'm sorry, I made a mistake." Even computers, that are not supposed to make mistakes, do. Being human, it is easy to miss a step as so much is demanded of us - so give yourself a break!
7. Do not pester. If someone says no - it usually means no. If you then get stood up because you wouldn't take no for an answer, then learn to be philisophical about your let-down.
8. Do what you say you will do. If you find you won't be able to, then say so.
9. Last minute cancellations are bad form and give the impression of being uncaring and disorganised. It's much better to say "no" up front than mess someone around.
10. I always try and confirm appointments on the day - this confirms not only that I am still coming, but that I expect them to be ready for me when I arrive.

All this is obvious, isn't it? And we all do these things all the time, right? Perhaps we can get a bit caught up in our own self importance from time to time. I remember a meeting many years ago with a Managing Director of a large company who quipped light heartedly "Last Saturday night my wife reminded me that I may be the MD at the office but that doesn't apply at home. Now pick up that dishcloth and dry the darn dishes!"

Wouldn't it be great if everyone would follow these basic principles?

Paul du Toit (October 2003)