Cheerful people

It used to amaze me how I could speak to one person who would be full of the joys of life, and the next minute another who seemed to be dragging themselves through the day. Well, we all have good days and we all have not such good days, I reasoned. Then I started to notice that it was usually the same people who were always cheerful, and the same folk who were usually down. That made my previous theory look a bit shaky.

The explanation for this phenomenon can be found in one or a combination of 3 areas: Attitude, chronic tone, and habits:

Attitude. Our emotional leaning is self-determined and is initially consciously defined. Our attitude towards a new day, a problem (or challenge!), or others is rooted in our belief system, manifested by our values and mirrored by our actions.

Chronic tone. Our "state" or chronic tone sets in once we repeatedly display the tendency to respond to certain situations in a predictable way. This state manifests itself via our personality style. It's the way that we are most of the time under normal circumstances. Some people live in fear, others in enthusiasm, some in abject apathy and some in boredom, or mild interest.

Habit. By repeating the same pattern of response to situations or conditions we develop habitual instinctive behaviour. We no longer think about changing the gears of our automobile - it's automatic. When our child chatters incessantly - we shout to shut him up. The response is no longer considered or planned, it's habit. It's how we've always done it, and it may also be how Mom and Dad did it.

We marry someone who has a long woeful story and a "dik" lip hoping that the happiness we'll bring them will change their behaviour. As their circumstances change and things get better, they adjust their focus and find something else to have a long story and a "dik lip" about. A change of circumstances does not bring about a change of attitude. But a change of attitude can be made regardless of circumstances. This requires a decision, and a conscious effort to sustain the change. When the attitude changes, everything starts changing, to the degree that the circumstances can also be altered. Regardless of an improvement of conditions, a person's permanent chronic state can only be adjusted by their own intervention and will. So the only attitude you or I are likely to change is our own.

A change of circumstances does not bring about a change of attitude. But a change of attitude can be made regardless of circumstances.

However, the power of a consistent example is invaluable in creating role models for people who are at an impressionable stage such as work subordinates or younger relatives. Our consistent behaviour does not necessarily change behaviour immediately, but creates the benchmark.

Our daily mood does, however, have a strong impact on the people that are in close proximity to us. What a difference to be greeted when you arrive at your office with a smile and a cheery grin rather than a mumble, head down and complete disinterest at your arrival. Negative people develop the habit of being negative, only feeling vindicated if they have something to moan about or if they have managed to pull someone else down a peg or two.

So, if you want cheerful people around you, then make friends with cheerful people, employ (or work for) cheerful people, and develop cheerful kids.

Some of the most cheerful people I've met have to deal with extremely difficult circumstances on a daily basis. And they manage to be cheerful. So, do whatever it takes to be cheerful yourself. You owe it to the people around you. There comes a time when we have to take responsibility for our own behaviour and stop blaming Mom or Dad for our little (or big!) troubles in life. We need to be accountable for the quality of our own lives and the impact we are making on others.

Paul du Toit (March 2004)
(20 March, en-route back from a Mind-Blowing Customer Service breakfast seminar to 80 fabulous Capetonians)

P.S. I was tuned in to a talk show many years ago when a listener phone in and said. "I learned a long time ago not to let other people's moods and behaviours affect mine. And ever since I made that decision I have been a happier more fulfilled person."

P.P.S. Isn't it strange that when we hire someone, it's for what they can do. When we let them go, it's for what they did or didn't do, or could have done but wouldn't do, or shouldn't have done but did!