Why people with good habits have good attitudes

It is an unusual adult indeed who has not had the experience of staring into some or other dark deep hole in life, and wondered what on earth to do next. So often things are not as bad as they initially seemed, but we often make things more difficult for ourselves than we should.

We humans have a wonderful tendency of searching for ways of getting out of the mess we're in using the same tools that got us there in the first place. In our impatience to get a few bob in to pay the bills before month-end, we go flat out into crisis mode, half kill ourselves and end up staring into the mirror same time next month, exhausted, and having achieved nothing except temporary survival, wondering what to do next. Well for starters, if whatever you did last month got you the same result this month, someone may be trying to send you a message.

Here's the rule - it's simple, it's in two parts. We all know the rule, but we don't always follow it:

1. If it works, keep doing it while working on improving it.
2. If it doesn't work, try doing what you're doing differently, or try something else.

Nothing too complicated about that. Here's the next rule - and this one slays me.

1. Successful people usually stay successful or become more successful. If they catch a dip they don't take long to recover, and soon return to their former levels of success. Why? 2. Unsuccessful people usually stay unsuccessful or become even less successful. These people blame successful people for their lack of success, they seldom blame themselves.

Well, they should. A friend of mine is giving up smoking again, for the forth time in 2 years. He can give up anytime he likes, he says. He enjoys it. It relaxes him. And so on and so forth (the unsubscribe button is at the bottom). But every time he has a drink with his friends he just has a puff - and so on and so forth. Except this time he's determined to give up. He's not going through the pain again. Yeah right. (Stem ye howls of protests, ye draggers of the burning weed and read further...).

The ability to develop habits can be likened to the existence of a sophisticated software package in our brain that allows us to operate on "auto-pilot" once we have repeated an act enough times.

A habit is defined as "the tendency or disposition to act in a certain way acquired by repetition of such acts." [Webster's]. The ability to develop habits can be likened to the existence of a sophisticated software package in our brain that allows us to operate on "auto-pilot" once we have repeated an act enough times. This prevents us from having to use excessive brain power each time we do the same thing over and over again, freeing up our brain for other pursuits. There's just one snag. Animals were given instincts. We have choice. And it would appear that the majority of us have not evolved sufficiently enough to know how to exercise the right ones (I include myself in this equation). When we make bad choices which we mistake for good ones, we repeat the act enough times for it to become a bad habit, and then we either perpetuate it or struggle to eliminate the beast (like my friend above).

A bad choice followed by pain and realisation is a mistake. Apart from the fatal exceptions, mistakes are generally good things. They are the building blocks of success. Comfort, on the other hand, breeds stagnation. Mistakes and pain result in learning. Mistakes committed repeatedly without realisation and corrective action are bad habits, (most of our backhands or golf swings fall into this category) and bad habits are what keep us down.

It takes courage to change, to take a step into the unknown, and risk having to think again, look again, and try again. But we have the capacity to do all these things, to turn our lives around and to stop being the victim of our own bad habits. Anyone can give up booze, smoking, chocolates, coffee, womanising, swearing, sarcasm, jealousy etc if they want to. And anyone can change their destiny by having the courage to make key choices and decisions - and live by them.

Anyone can change their destiny by having the courage to make key choices and decisions.

People have bad habits because of bad attitudes. Conversely, people with good habits have optimistic attitudes and fulfilled lives manage to cope with far more and still stay cheerful generally experience better health, greater wealth and more happiness Napoleon Hill wrote, in his classic book "Think and Grow Rich" the following immortal words:

"Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve"

You will get what you expect to get out of this year - no more and no less. A great poet once wrote:

"I bargained with life for a penny,
And life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

For life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of life,
Life would have willingly paid."

If you're going to be directed by your habits this year, make sure you've installed the ones that will lead you towards your intended outcomes. I trust that your 2004 will be filled with personal growth, fulfilment and contribution, and that any decisions you make that don't work out make you stronger and better.

Paul du Toit (December 2003)